From Doug Ross Journal

"Still Not Indicted As Of 2007!"
"Vote for Hillary: Satan compels you"
"It’s Mourning Again in America"
"Keep America weak through surrender and taxes"
"Help eradicate Capitalism in our time"
"No penis = no problems"
"Death to America!"
"Socialism and Surrender!"
"Democrats will never lose a war: We’ll just refuse to fight!"
"Building a bridge to September 10th"
"I’m with Chubby!"
"Isn’t It Time You Were Disappointed By A Different Clinton?"
"Why Work? Vote Hillary"
"Kneel before me, foolish humans! — Hillary for Empress 2008"
"Vote Hillary. It’s Easier Than Thinking"
"If you like the service at the DMV and Post Office, you’ll love our health care plan"
"Keep racial tensions alive!"

Hat tips: Anvari, IMAO, PlanetMike, Top Five

The US Postal Service has issued a recall of a stamp they created with a picture of Hillary Clinton to honor her achievements while serving as the First Lady of our nation.

The problem was discovered when claims had been made that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes, and that mail which had been sent using the "Hillary" postage was not being delivered. Senator Clinton demanded a full investigation into the allegations.

A special Postal Service Investigation team was formed and after several months and many dollars spent, made the following findings:

• The stamp was manufactured properly.
• There was nothing wrong with the adhesive.
• People were just spitting on the wrong side

Hillary Clinton called Bill into her office one day and said, "Bill, I have a great idea!  I know how we can win back Middle America and secure my presidential victory in 2008."

"Great, but how do you propose we go about that?" asked Bill.

"Well, Hillary responds, we’ll go down to a local Wal-Mart, get some cheesy clothes and shoes, like most middle Americans wear and then we’ll stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador."

"When we look the part we’ll go to a nice old country bar in Middle America, and we’ll show them that we really enjoy the countryside and show admiration and respect for the hard working people living there."

A few days later, all decked out and with the requisite Labrador at heel, they set off from New York in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for.

With dog in tow they walk into the bar. They step up to the bar and the bartender takes a step back and say’s, "Aren’t you Bill and Hillary Clinton?"

Hillary answers, "Yes we are, and what a lovely town you have here.  We were just passing through and Bill suggested that we stop and take in some local color."

They then order a couple of cocktails from the bartender and proceed to drink them down, all the while chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.

All of a sudden, the bar room door opens and a grizzled old farmer comes in. He walked up to the Labrador , lifted its tail and looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walks out the door.  A few moments later, in came another old farmer. He walked up to the dog, lifted its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and then left the bar.

Over the course of the next hour or so, another four or five farmers came in, lifted the dog’s tail, and went away looking puzzled. Eventually Hillary and Bill could stand it no longer and called the bartender over.

"Tell me, said Hillary, why did all those old farmers come in and look under the dog’s tail like that?  Is it some sort of old custom?"

"’Good Lord no.", said the bartender, "It’s just that someone told them that there was a Labrador in this bar with two assholes!"

A man died and went to heaven.
As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man.
"And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire Life."

"Where’s Hillary Clinton’s clock?" asked the man.
"Hillary’s clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan."